"Love God. Love people. Noting else matters."
I wish I could say I had a prophetic effect on the women in the prison, but the truth of the matter is, they had a prophetic effect on me. I have learned what I want to be as a minister in my relationship with the women, and how I have seen them in relationship with each other. Particularly, my relationship with one of the women. For privacy reasons, I'll call her Mrs. Doe.
Mrs. Doe and I met the first day I was at Arrendale. In a long story short, she and I became very close over the course of the semester. I saw her for the first time in a few weeks yesterday, and as my partner and I were waiting to be escorted onto the rows by the officer, we saw each other through the window. She and I both were practically jumping waving at each other. "I'm about to come up!" I mouthed to her. She threw up a thumbs up. When we got to her row, we embraced each other in a big hug. As the morning progressed, my partner and I sat in conversation with Mrs. Doe and another inmate. During a hard conversation, I saw Mrs. Doe minister to the other inmate. She reached her on a understanding level that I hadn't even. As she spoke, the other inmate looked at her with a face of gratitude through tear filled eyes. They hugged, they related, Mrs. Doe ministered to her because she simply was present. The other inmates feelings were validated by Mrs. Doe, but she advised her to move forward, forgive, and move forward. No bitterness or resentment, but freeing grace as only purely demonstrated by God and Jesus Christ. I stared at Mrs. Doe during this encounter because I was in awe of this woman sitting beside me. The same woman I chalk up to a reason why I survived this first semester of seminary because she reminded me of why I was called. Again, she taught me a lesson in ministry. A lesson that relates to my conversation with Marmee....it's all about the people.
In Luke 10:27, Jesus says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor about yourself." Perhaps that's what I've been missing this whole semester. In my lofty plans for both my future ministry and my current works of ministry in the prison, school, even in the church, I was failing. I was failing because I had the wrong focus. Rather than focusing on those I was serving, I was focusing on how I looked. Where would I succeed in this divine call during my first semester of seminary? How would I show Christ to these women, these people, in bible studies or in conversation. I felt a bit entitled to ordained ministry because of a call on my life. A call I realize I've been taking for granted. Seminary I've been taking for granted. It is more than what I'm learning in the classroom, but what I'm learning in the classroom that I'm applying to my ministry work with people. Mrs. Doe demonstrated better pastoral care yesterday than myself. She wasn't worried about herself, but her fellow sister in Christ sitting beside her. Sitting beside her in prison none the less, and I see Jesus more there than most placing in this world. In many ways more than I see even in my own seminary.
I have a lot to learn as I move forward in this call, and in my seminary experience. My focus needs to shift from myself, and to God and the people. Seminary is an experience. It's beyond what I'm learning academically about spirituality, but how I'm living out my own spirituality. How I'm being in relationship with God's people spiritually. As Mrs. Doe showed me by example....it's all about the people. I may not know a lot of details about my future ministry yet. I have so many questions unanswered, a lot of self doubt in my own capabilities, but right now that doesn't seem to matter as much. I love God's people, and love being in relationship with them. It's been what has been my favorite part of the semester, spending time with the women at Arrendale for my contextual education. That is what matter though, right?
