to everything there is a season.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

² a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
³ a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
⁵ a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶ a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
⁷ a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
⁸ a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

If there is one thing I've learned during this Washington, D.C. experience is that change is inevitable. That embracing that change can be beautiful. That sometimes the change can be almost a sigh of relief.

I wish I could say that this lesson was ingrained in me. However, I am still in a learning process to embrace change and to know that in the end, everything will be okay. I believe that maybe this will be a lesson I have to learn over and over again.

Yet I am learning it a little better now.

When I moved to D.C I had no choice but to learn to accept change. Everything was temporarily changing for me. Where I was living. Where I was going to school. Where I was going to church. Who I saw on a regular basis. It was an open and unfamiliar future for the next few months.

This caused me to feel both anxiety but also a hint of excitement as I made the journey up the East Coast and left the South that I loved. I did not know how that would settle within me once I said goodbye to my parents after they moved me into my apartment.

At first I felt nothing but excitement. All the newness was exhilarating and I enjoyed being in a bigger, busier city. I came to love the 20016 zipcode. I was on what I call my "Washington high". After the first month, this wore off and I settled in.

Yet the love for the city did not fade. I was comfortable. What had been outside of my comfort zone I came to enjoy. I learned a lesson that even though everything in my day to day had changed, I could be content.

The core of my support system did not change at all. My family, friends and church families back home still were my rock. Their love was felt across the hundreds of miles that now separated us. I knew that even from a distance the foundation of love that had help build for me would sustain me.

I learned that as I was changing to a new season paralleling the season change from summer to fall outside-there was a simple beauty to each new day. There was consistency within myself of the love and support from constants in my life, but exciting change as something new was happening each day.

It was a simplicity that had been present before, but that I had failed to see or appreciate.

I've been very reflective lately. It that reflection and a new simple perspective, I saw that through each new season of my life, there was goodness. Every time I had been afraid of an oncoming change, that change never had been bad. It had been good. Just as what had been there before had been good. There also was a certain consistency through each season that sustained me.

I know that soon this season will change too. I'll move back to a new chapter. After that will come a new chapter, a new season. Again and again it will occur. I cannot control that. Something old me would want to do. However, this new me that is emerging knows that not having control can be good.

There is beauty in simplicity. Maybe we all need a little bit more of that in our lives. I know I do. I know I need to be more simple in seeing that beauty in my day to day life. Knowing that this journey is more important than the ending destination because that ending destination is not just one. At each new season of my life, there will be a new destination point.

I do not have just one ultimate one. One that is better than all the simple moments of a journey leading to it. That ultimate destination is enjoying this journey called life. That's where I'll find the real beauty.

I

just drop it already.

There was just enough of a weird mix of rain/mist to curl my hair and try my nerves. However, I didn't want to be flustered. Not this morning. I wanted to just get to dry land, aka the church conference room. I passed by others who were hurrying to a certain destination point like me.

Work. School. Starbucks.

Side note: There is literally a Starbucks around every dang corner here. Not that I'm complaining.

However, the point is that everyone was focused on Step B. The next place on their schedule, the next check mark off their calendar, the next step.

I was not any less guilty than every other person I passed on the dreary and wet Wednesday morning.

Then God hit me with a reminder when I made it to that church conference room of just to "drop it" already.

How many times have we heard that saying when we were fighting with siblings or friends in middle school? Our go to out was just to "drop it". Whatever the most likely petty argument was. I wonder how many times God looks down at us and thinks "My goodness Rebecca, just drop it already."

Drop the worry.
Drop the hurrying.
Drop the control.
Drop trying to please everyone.

Pleasing people were what I was always trying to do growing up. I hated to have anyone one upset or angry with me. And if I ever that "d" word of "disappointment", then my whole world came tumbling down. I would be devastated.

It started to wear on me in high school. I had begun to put myself last and everyone else first. Except not in an humbling manner like Christ calls us to do. But in a manner where I was constantly saying "yes" because I wanted to keep everyone happy.

By the time I was in college, my tank had hit the empty mark. I was drained and anxious. I had to learn to let go.

I say that like it is easy. No, it is a daily struggle where I have to consciously remind myself to let go and let God. It is so relieving, and I know this. However, I am quicker to retreat to trying to control it myself. Then I hit that empty mark again very quickly.

Zacchaeus best teaches us this lesson. It was where we turned to in Luke this morning at Small Group. A tax collector who literally had all the material goods he could want. He had power and prestige. Yet he was empty. He was a "wee" man who society turned away and deemed "not good enough". Yet Jesus immediately called him out in the crowd. When everyone else was ignoring him, Jesus was recognizing him.

This changed Zacchaeus. He let go.

Jesus calls us the same way. Yet why do we more often than not retreat away? Why do we try to collect our goods ourselves and think it will be enough? It only drains us of joy, happiness, and peace. It also makes us less sensitive to the pre-Jesus Zacchaeuses. The ones who society says are not good enough. Who aren't worthy. Who are in their circumstances or facing trials because of something they did.

I think that is when God tells us to "drop it". Drop all the control and embrace His peace.

How can He use us then? How could we help the young, homeless mother on the street or the friend who is longing for a listening ear or the prostitute getting into her pimp's car. How could Jesus use us if we just "dropped it".

Imagine how powerful that could be.  

find God in 4 directions.

Around the table sat 9 of us.

No one was the same age.

Different races were represented.

Make that different cultures were represented.

We all came from different places but I saw over the course of one hour that we had the same destination point: the grace of God.

For the month of September we have been focusing on the journey of Moses and the Israelites in church. From Egypt to the Promise Land, we have seen their movements. Their ups and downs; hills and valleys. It is a story I am all too familiar with, but now looked at with a different perspective. I looked beyond the elaborate miracles to the common core of community.

It is this point that Pastor Donna has discussed in depth in her past few sermons. She has pointed out that some of these miracles had a similar origin of divinity, but the concept of the experience of the community of Israelites together and with God...that was the true miracles.

With these thoughts swirling through my mind, I sat in our Discipleship Small Group this morning ready to discuss prayer. As I shared with the group, this is a side of my faith I'm working on. When I pray sometimes I get caught up in my overloaded mind of the checklists I'm mentally checking or the worries in my heart. I struggle to focus on my conversation with God, then I worry that I'm doing it wrong.

Yet God spoke to me profoundly this morning. A repeated lesson He is teaching me about the beauty of diversity and where I fall among that. Today was no different. In the course of an hour, I saw God show me that there are many paths on this faith journey we all take, yet each ending point leads to Him. Pastor Donna says, "Faith is a journey, not a destination point. We benefit when we are looking at the good of the greater community than our own personal interests." Much as with the story of the Israelites today had a greater miracle of their staying together. Despite the issues, problems, hardships, starvation, and LOTS of dust they faced, they did not separate.

Why do we not mimic this in our own faith communities? What profound difference would we make if we lived by this and never gave up on our brothers and sisters in Christ? No matter what they do. No matter what they have failed to do. No matter who they love. No matter how they hurt us. No matter who they are...we don't give up on them. We accept that sometimes difference does not automatically be bad. That outside our comfort zone and in a space of questioning who God is, where our faith is, who we are called to be-we meet God.

 

In the conference room I learned about a Native American woman who wakes up at five am to pray to her Creator for those around her, for nature and first and foremost to praise the Creator for all the good. She does not pray for herself because she knows that someone else is covering that in prayer themselves.

In the conference room I learned about a man from Vietnam who practiced English by reading the Bible. A text he had not been allowed to read himself in his Catholic church back home. A new blessing he found in the gift of immigrating to America. His mother was a woman who taught us what true appreciation for living in a country where we are free to express whatever our faith is.

I am not the same person now, a month into DC, than I was when I first arrived. Through experiences such as this morning, God is teaching me about how there is a world beyond myself. Diversity is beautiful. We all are the same, not matter our background or who we are. All are beautiful in what makes them unique. We must embrace this instead of trying to change someone to who we are comfortable with. Let's be uncomfortable and see what we can learn!

This is true community. A community we all need. We need the company of others to experience this life with. Whether this is a stranger in a Krispy Kreme or a new dear friend in your program, we live this life alongside each other. Not separating into the boxes we deem "comfortable" by those who are just like us.

I now hunger to learn more about what God can teach me through this realization in my heart. This new area outside my comfort zone that I'm now comfortable in. I hunger to learn more from a faith community that I feel so at home in, with a budding spiritual role model.

We all come from different directions.

Yet we all head towards a God whose grace is extended to all. Even if that looks different from you, you can connect in the commonality of longing to love a Being greater than ourselves.

May we all rejoice at sunrise to a Creator who painted a beautiful world around us with all different colors, textures, and life.

"much like the kingdom of God."

Romans 12:4-5

   "For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another."

I'm a little sweaty from walking in the concrete jungle from the Metro stop. In my ears Siri tells me that I have "arrived at my destination".

An hour and half early.

I don't mind arriving early though. Even though my iPhone's GPS means I've literally arrived at my destination, I've also metaphorically arrived. This has been a destination I've been walking towards for months now. In all honesty it's been about 8 months since I first began to pray about finding my faith community here in Washington, DC.

And I certainly did arrive this beautiful Sunday morning.

As I literally sat in the shadow of the temple, waiting for the doors to open, I savored in the glory of the Sunday morning. Around me were a mix of people heading to church, running and those who you could tell might not have a permanent home. Yet all seemed content. I conversed with everyone around me as I headed into the chapel.

Since I was early it was just me and few other people. The beauty of the sanctuary took my breath away. The white stone and colorful glass widows depict a glorious representation of God and his kingdom. However, the beauty of His kingdom I had yet to truly see.

As more people began to filter into the sanctuary my mind kept going back to the first correspondence I had with the pastor of this church 7 months earlier.

One of  the first things Pastor Donna Claycomb Sokol told me was that the congregation of MVP reminded her of what she thought the kingdom of God truly looked like.

Today I saw that statement in its truest form.

The cast of characters I was blessed to get to meet this morning made my heart almost swell with joy. I was moved by strangers who quickly became friends. A faith community I blended into very quickly as well. As we shared hugs and laughter and later coffee after the service, I could not help but smile.

There is an atmosphere present in this church of genuine people. Already I have been a product of that from welcoming messages and prayers for the past few months, to lunch with a now friend, Carly and then today.

This was the last piece of the puzzle I needed to make this transition to Washington, DC feel fully complete. Now I get to sit back and watch God work through me during this time of change. I am so thankful for the doors He is opening for me, and for the door of His church that he opened for me too.

One of the biggest pleasures today as well was getting to meet the sweet Pastor Donna. A woman of God I have felt like I have known for a long time. Through our email and social media correspondence, I had a feeling I would hit it off well with her. Our wonderful fellowship time after service today at a now "must go too more often" sandwich shop, I saw that I was correct.

While this woman got me the first time we said hello in the sanctuary because she embraced me in a hug, it was her poignant and very genuine presence that moved me. Her love for all who walked into that door this morning just resonated from her. There were no strangers to her, even if this was their first time at the church like mine; no, they all were immediately family.

The wonderful relationships I see myself building at MVP already just warm my heart. It will be the roots I'll need while I am here to continue to allow God to use me and grow me.

The only words I have left are...TO GOD BE THE GLORY.
 
amen.

to my life changer.

We all have one person who began something really important in our life. They were the first to inspire us or guide us. They began something in our life, no matter how small, that had a significant impact.

Sometimes that impact happens at one time, and sometimes it's a long-lasting and continuing impact.

Being here in DC has made a few things come full circle for myself. The biggest part of studying journalism here in our nation's Capitol is that it was here that I first caught that "bug" to be a journalist. While I never pictured myself living here 5 years ago when I first came to Washington, DC as a sophomore in high school...I see now where that was one of the first steps I would take towards studying journalism.

As I continue to reflect in these first few days, I look back at the very beginning. And I look back at the person who first opened the door to my calling. The first person who taught me what it meant to be a journalist.

The appreciation I have for this woman in my life cannot be put into words, nor can the love I have for her be measured. There is no way I would be pursuing the career that I am, with the passion that I have had it not been for her.

The first time I entered Journalism 101, I was met with an energetic, vivacious woman. She had this passion for this new subject of mine, journalism. It was a passion that I soon shared. There was something infectious about her passion.

She opened my eyes to a world where there is a commitment to telling the truth. A commitment to keeping the public informed. A commitment to telling peoples' stories and living out the first amendment rights.

As I sit in my journalism classes as one of the more educated students on the background of journalism, I keep giving credit to my high school journalism experience. I keep giving credit to the amazing woman that was my journalism advisor.

Living out my dream is making me appreciate my strong foundation in the fundamental principles of journalism. A foundation I think I have taken for granted until I came to a place where I had to put into practice all I've learned.

The greatest part of experiencing all of this, is that I still get to share it with the woman who helped begin it all. She is still one of the first people I text or call to tell when exciting things are happening.

A teacher is someone who not only teaches her students academic lessons, but life lessons as well. Where their commitment to their students isn't just about fulfilling their job description, but fulfilling a higher calling. A calling to make a difference.

This is why I give so much credit to my high school journalism advisor. Not only did she teach me the basic principles of journalism, she taught me what it meant to practice these principles. She not only taught me how to structure a journalism piece, she taught me how to tell a story.

She is one who has never given up on me. Her commitment to me as a student was also a commitment to me as a person. This is why three years after I've graduated high school, I still turn to her for advice. It is why I still pick up my phone to tell her good news before most other people.

Her impact in my life cannot be put into words. It can only be seen when I reflect back on the journey that led me here. When I reflect on the journey I have taken in pursuing my dreams. Each step along the way, she is there. She has added to the pieces of the puzzle of my life in both small and big ways.

I know that there is absolutely no way I would be here without her. I know there is absolutely no way I would be studying to be a journalist had I never met her. I know that there is absolutely no way I would be the woman I am today without her.

If only our world had more teachers who made such a commitment to their students. Who are truly pursuing a higher calling of helping guide their students instead of just earning  a paycheck. It is these individuals that make the difference in the lives of the students they teach.

It is people like Jenny Proctor who make the world a better place.

As I revel in this whole experience. As I sit and study in my journalism classes and begin to work at my internship next week, I reflect. I reflect on who I am today and where I began. I reflect on the woman who began it all.

Who is still such a support system in my life. Who I text almost every day here in DC because she has to be one of the first people I tell things too. Who I could not do life without or be who I am today without.

Jenny Proctor you're a life changer, just so you know.

diversity yet so much commonality

The greatest thing about this city is the diversity.

There is a buzz of energy in the air.

It is thick with different languages, clothes and cultures; but all are sharing a commonality of laughter, love and life.

I find myself in the middle of this great place with great people surrounding me. And I am in love.

My mind is too full to not write tonight. I was sitting in my writing class earlier and yet I could not write then. I have found I do not have time to write during the day, to journal and keep up with memories. No, all that must be done at night because I am too busy during the day experiencing. When the city has settled in a busy hum because it is never completely quiet here. When my body is tired but my mind is still racing,  that is when I write.

What I am seeing, tasting, and feeling  is unlike anything I have in my life.

And it is so good.

For the first time in my life I am finding myself identifying who I am. I have grown up and even gone to school in a culture where I was among the majority. I was around people who were raised very similar to how I was raised and had experienced life in a very similar way to how I had.

Here that is not possible.

We all come from very different places and all have very different experiences. Not only those who are international students, but those of us who come from different regions of the United States.

However we find that same commonality of life, laughter, and love that I am witnessing all over this great city.

We may share different languages, values, experiences and cultures; but I have never bonded so quickly with a group of people. When I sit down with them in the pizza shop or on the quad between classes, I find myself relating to them better than most people I have interactive with during my educational years; both in high school and college so far.

Conversation is easy and laughter flows like a light breeze in the air. We share our life stories and where we come from. Identifying myself and the South where I grew up is a new experience for me. I have never had to explain where I come from before. I've always just regurgitated facts of the area around me, but never the culture. Because I was never so far removed from my culture.

But I do not feel that this place I am or the people I am meeting are all that different from where I come from. All are kind. All are caring. All are simply living life and figuring there role in this bigger picture.

And this is all I have taken in in only a week.

I still have fifteen to go.

Fifteen weeks to grow and change.

To experience and live.

To find out what I am beginning to see as the true me.

Who I want to be and what role I want to play in  this bigger picture.

I am defining who I am and where I stand in a more comfortable place than I have ever been before.

sorry not sorry

It has been quite a few months since I've written in my blog. Mostly because I've been so busy. This has been a whirlwind of a few months and I know that it is only going to get crazier in the upcoming ones; crazy in a good way that is.

As I sit here, I see myself at a crossroads. It kind of reminds me about when I went off to college for the first time. I was both anxious and excited. Afraid yet thrilled. And a whole pool of other emotions. I'm moving into a new school this time, except this school is a bit further away. The classes I will be taking will be a little different. I will be diving into a new stage of my college career. 

I'm at a crossroads. 

My freshmen and sophomore year of college were challenging years. The adjustment to post high school life and leaving home was hard for me that first year. I juggled personal obstacles along the way and had to learn how to read/write/study as a college kid verses a high school one. The growth was painful but also good. As I sit here now, I see how it has made me grow as a young adult. 

Most importantly, it taught me to not be sorry. 

For my entire life, I was the people-pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me and it just killed me if everyone did not. I cried easily and was constantly on edge. Not that I did not enjoy life or being with my friends, I did...I just always seemed to have a little extra baggage of worry attached. A baggage that was only there because I thought it needed to be. I was always the one to say "sorry". 

I would back down rather than push. I wouldn't stand up for myself a lot of times because I did not like confrontation. I would have this internal doubt that just sat there. After 20 years, I finally have recognized this self-doubt and have decided it has to go. 

This has been a process I've been going through since January. A process of actually moving past the recognition of my lack of self-confidence and working to overcome it. God has been by my side through the whole process and He helped me in ways I cannot put into words. His presence has been felt and I think so, no I know, that much of this would not have happened had He not been at work.

Recently, a Pantene commercial was released entitled "Sorry Not Sorry". It is a video that tells women to be strong and not back down. Stop saying sorry too much. This commercial wraps up all I've been muddling through. 

This is not to say that we should be egotistical. This is not saying that I should never admit when I am wrong or take responsibility for my actions. This is about me recognizing when it is called for to say "sorry", and when I can stand up for myself. This is about me turning off the internal voice that says "you are not good enough for this" and turning on God's voice of "this is My plan for you". 

It less two months now I'll be moving back into a new school. I've repeatedly talked about this on all my social media accounts, but it is because I'm still in awe that this is happening. I've seen now though, that God has been preparing me for this journey all along. He has worked within me as He plans to use me/grow me further in Washington, DC. I'll be out of my comfort zone. But finally this is thrilling me rather than terrifying me; like it would have done had this been happening this time last year.

Entering my junior year means I'm entering the last two years of college. A time when I'm preparing for the real world and building my skills for my future profession, rather than just adjusting to being in college. I think I'm actually ready now and I think that I will taught some of these "skills" for the real world/career world more in next 6 months than any other time. 

I'll be living in our nation's capital. I'll be participating in a program with about 15 other journalism students from around the world including Germany, South Korea, areas all over the United States; an intimate and hands on program. I'm preparing for a trip where I will meet in person my ultimate role model. A woman who inspired me enough that I'm where I am today. I'll be meeting some of the best in the news field. I'll be working at a newsroom and learning my craft from some of the best news reporters and anchors and producer in the field. I'll be attending a church that is larger than I've ever been in, in a city that is bigger than I've ever been in.

If I think too much about it, I feel overwhelmed. However, I've learned to take it one day at a time and one step at a time. Just like I will for all 116 days I'll be in Washington, DC. I know though that every day I will tell myself that I am enough. That I should not apologize to someone just because they don't agree with me or even if they don't like me. I'm enough for God and I'm enough for me. 

I'm me. 

A girl who loves being in a family of fellowship. Who drinks one too many cups of coffee. A girl who likes to watch Castle and Gilmore Girls in binge runs of two or more episodes. A girl who connects with those both near my age and older; all of which I consider friends. 

I'm finally learning to love that me. To embrace that me. To love that me.