Lesson one - you're not alone - Marmee.

There are a number of individuals who have been guiding forces for me in this ministry call within the past two years. Some are ones who were influential for a moment that I needed it, or for a season of my ministry call where they were the person that said/did just the right thing that I needed. However, there have been a select few people who have been by my side, unconditionally, through all the seasons of this ministry call thus far that I know will also be there always. For this lesson one of my ministry call, I want to highlight some of these individuals one at a time. My hope is that my sharing of those dearest to me in this, will also encourage you to recognize those special people in your life that are supporting you or encourage you to go be that for someone. The people who remind you that you are not alone.

First person - Angela Halter Marshall - or "Marmee".

Back story: I've known Angela for almost ten years now. She came to my home church when I was in the sixth grade as the youth director. Even after she left my church, we have stayed in contact. We would get lunch whenever she was in town or whenever I was in Sumter. There were also exchange of texts or following the latest news of each others' lives on social media. (One positive side to social media.)

Yet it wasn't until two years ago that there was new type of life breathed into our relationship. What I like to deem was the Holy Spirit breathing life into it. I'll forever clearly remember that day in Washington, D.C. when I had my moment of realization that I had a call to ministry. It hit me suddenly as if wind had suddenly overcome me, causing the lightbulb to go "ding" and my brain to go "duh!".  As I pondered this new (not so new but finally named) thought of ministry, I knew I need to talk about it, digest it, discuss it, obsess over it...well you get the picture. In other words, I needed a person that I trusted that I knew had also experienced something similar that could help me.

That day I picked up the phone and texted Angela. 

Afterwards, it began a relationship in my life that quickly became one of my biggest advocates and confidantes for my ministry call. It always seemed as if she had "just the right" words or understanding similar experience as myself to help me through all the season of my ministry call. 

From her, I learned that this call to ministry is not an easy road. However, you never give up. She had (has) the greatest poise, strength, and patience as a minister. Whenever I returned home and would go visit her, I witnessed how she interacted with her parish. Her unconditional love and commitment to them was evident, as was her passion for this divine call to service. I stood in awe many times. 

I also learned that I was not alone. No matter how many times I came to her with the same problems repeatedly, or needed to hear the same tough love guidance, she gave it to me. Whenever I had a joyous moment to share or had a crisis I needed help with (many times minor ones of my own over-thinking brain), she was there at the drop of a hat. No matter if I was texting, calling, or running to Sumter - she was ALWAYS there for me. That came to mean the world to me. It was first through her relationship that I learned I was not alone in this journey of ministry.

As time has gone on, we have only grown closer. Now, it is also with just life stuff in general or funny quirks we share. We both over think everything - much as we deemed like the stomach of a cow where we just keep digesting it back and forth, over and over. We both love GIF keyboards, and many of our text conversations are full of those pictures being sent back and forth. We both have a passion for God's people as we serve them in ministry. 

She's an amazing example that God has blessed me with to know and learn from. 

As seen, she's not just "Angela" to me any longer. I told her that calling her Angela just didn't seem deep enough to describe my relationship with her as a mentor, friend, and support. After a lot of brainstorming it finally hit me one day and I was able to deem the perfect nickname - "Marmee". Much from inspiration of the mother from "Little Women" but also from personal factors of our own relationship. I took "Mar" from her last name of "Marshall" and "mee" since she blesses "me" so richly in our relationship. 

I have a gift this summer prior to entering seminary. My summer has now unexpectedly been graced with an internship at her church, where on a weekly basis I get to spend time with her working in ministry. I am beyond grateful for it. As I prepare to enter a new chapter of my life and ministry call, I am able to prepare with her by my side on a day to day basis. I am witnessing more often this summer how to minister well to your parish from her. I am able to spend quality time with her as well just because. It is filling my heart with such joy and I'm thankful to God for it. 

Recently, we had an impromptu trip to Candler Theological Seminary while in Atlanta. It was quite the Godly moment for both her and myself. As I stepped off the church bus and stood in front of the sign of my future seminary, I looked at the woman standing before me, smiling and getting ready to take a picture. I smiled myself because I was just grateful. Grateful to know her. Grateful to be there with the first person I told that was full circle for me. Grateful to know that I was not alone. 

Go be that someone for another person. Be the one that supports them to remind them that they are not alone.

I love you, Marmee. Thanks for being you.

   

new beginnings....ending of chapters....

It's been a few months since I have written. There have been many times I've pulled up my blog and have gotten as far as pulling up a blank screen for the post, only to delete the draft. I just have not been able to sit down to write. At first I couldn't figure out why. Now, I think I understand it was because my soul needed to digest all that was happening around me.

New beginnings are always beautiful. It is a chance to start fresh. Many times it's when you are starting exciting dreams or fulfilling a long wished for job or forming a new relationship. Yet, there is another side to new beginnings, a darker side that one must first deal with before "beginning". You see for something to begin, something else has to end.

Those are the truly challenging parts - endings.

I'm not good with endings. I'm not a fan of change. I like for things to stay the same or at least control the direction in which the change is happening. This desire for control is where God and I go back and forth the most in my ministry call. When I want to call the shots, God gently guides my circumstances in different directions. All along the way as my ministry call unfolds further, I see the beauty in God's plan that is far better beyond anything I was trying to script. Yet, I still have to work at letting go.

Now, I am actually sitting down to write. At this point I'm a little over a month past graduating from Presbyterian College. It was such a joyous occasion, but also one tainted with sadness. I have had to deal with my heart being broke wide open as I closed the chapter of my life with Broad Street United Methodist Church. Do not get me wrong, I knew it would be hard to say "see you later" to the wonderful people of the congregation who have become family.

However I did not imagine the PAIN I have felt in the closing of this chapter. My heart was truly ripped open wide as I departed from them. In April, I preached a sermon from the pulpit for our college recognition Sunday. I spent the week prior to that Sunday writing my sermon, practicing it, and walking down a road of sweet memories with the people of that place.  You see I could not walk into any room of the church or the sanctuary without being flooded with a memory. I realized how emotionally connected to the church I was.

At one point in the week I had a conversation with Kitty about how odd time felt at Broad Street. From day one I have felt like a part of this congregation, as if I had always been present within its doors. As if I had always known those people. Yet, the four years I spent with them also seemed to have past by in a blur. How was it already time to say goodbye? Kitty explained it well. She said that when one feels that way, it means that you are in fellowship with "a communion of saints" or in other words, in the presence of the Holy Spirit within those relationships you share.

I wept that same Sunday I preached. Truly, truly wept. My heart grieved. I cried for weeks afterwards. Even now over a month later, my heart hurts. The pain has eased some, but the string of saying goodbye has not ended.




Yet as I began there is a bright side to endings - new beginnings. I am in the transition period of a new beginning. In just a short time, I move to Atlanta to begin seminary. It is a dream I would never have imagined possible even a year ago. I would never had suspected that I would begin immediately following graduation. Here we are though. God has consistently had everything fall into place for this journey. Therefore I know it's God's will, and I must follow. No matter how scarily beautiful it may seem.


Therefore I chose to write again. It has been a powerful few months of my ministry journey that I want to share. I shall slowly. As if flipping through the pages of a photo album, I will reveal those cherished memories of events within my ministry call. What I've learned about myself, about God, about those in my life, about my ministry call.


I'm grateful. I'm thankful. I'm in awe that God has called me to a this divine journey of service.