new beginnings....ending of chapters....

It's been a few months since I have written. There have been many times I've pulled up my blog and have gotten as far as pulling up a blank screen for the post, only to delete the draft. I just have not been able to sit down to write. At first I couldn't figure out why. Now, I think I understand it was because my soul needed to digest all that was happening around me.

New beginnings are always beautiful. It is a chance to start fresh. Many times it's when you are starting exciting dreams or fulfilling a long wished for job or forming a new relationship. Yet, there is another side to new beginnings, a darker side that one must first deal with before "beginning". You see for something to begin, something else has to end.

Those are the truly challenging parts - endings.

I'm not good with endings. I'm not a fan of change. I like for things to stay the same or at least control the direction in which the change is happening. This desire for control is where God and I go back and forth the most in my ministry call. When I want to call the shots, God gently guides my circumstances in different directions. All along the way as my ministry call unfolds further, I see the beauty in God's plan that is far better beyond anything I was trying to script. Yet, I still have to work at letting go.

Now, I am actually sitting down to write. At this point I'm a little over a month past graduating from Presbyterian College. It was such a joyous occasion, but also one tainted with sadness. I have had to deal with my heart being broke wide open as I closed the chapter of my life with Broad Street United Methodist Church. Do not get me wrong, I knew it would be hard to say "see you later" to the wonderful people of the congregation who have become family.

However I did not imagine the PAIN I have felt in the closing of this chapter. My heart was truly ripped open wide as I departed from them. In April, I preached a sermon from the pulpit for our college recognition Sunday. I spent the week prior to that Sunday writing my sermon, practicing it, and walking down a road of sweet memories with the people of that place.  You see I could not walk into any room of the church or the sanctuary without being flooded with a memory. I realized how emotionally connected to the church I was.

At one point in the week I had a conversation with Kitty about how odd time felt at Broad Street. From day one I have felt like a part of this congregation, as if I had always been present within its doors. As if I had always known those people. Yet, the four years I spent with them also seemed to have past by in a blur. How was it already time to say goodbye? Kitty explained it well. She said that when one feels that way, it means that you are in fellowship with "a communion of saints" or in other words, in the presence of the Holy Spirit within those relationships you share.

I wept that same Sunday I preached. Truly, truly wept. My heart grieved. I cried for weeks afterwards. Even now over a month later, my heart hurts. The pain has eased some, but the string of saying goodbye has not ended.




Yet as I began there is a bright side to endings - new beginnings. I am in the transition period of a new beginning. In just a short time, I move to Atlanta to begin seminary. It is a dream I would never have imagined possible even a year ago. I would never had suspected that I would begin immediately following graduation. Here we are though. God has consistently had everything fall into place for this journey. Therefore I know it's God's will, and I must follow. No matter how scarily beautiful it may seem.


Therefore I chose to write again. It has been a powerful few months of my ministry journey that I want to share. I shall slowly. As if flipping through the pages of a photo album, I will reveal those cherished memories of events within my ministry call. What I've learned about myself, about God, about those in my life, about my ministry call.


I'm grateful. I'm thankful. I'm in awe that God has called me to a this divine journey of service.