an open letter to first semester freshmen me

As I approach the end of February I am only about two months away from my college graduation. This entire senior year I've been in a state of reflection as I do each "last of"...Tri-Sigma semi-formal....recruitment....Wednesday Evening Fellowship...etc...it's full of joy that is also met with bittersweet sentiments. Time cannot stop. I cannot prevent these next two months from going by or from walking across that stage, leaving behind a wonderful chapter of my life. With these moments of "lasts" I'm constantly looking back to my time at Presbyterian College; especially to my freshmen year as I watch all  the new faces on PC's campus. It's odd being  the oldest now with no one else to "look up to", now it is younger students looking up at me. However, I want to offer some advice I've learned in these past four years to my freshmen self:



1. Pay attention to your move in day. It'll feel like a whirlwind but you will want to recall every detail of that first day whenever you're packing on your last day before you're moving out for the last time.

2. Begin to organize your life. You will need binders for all your classes with notebooks, and labeling a few things won't cause any harm. It'll be a good habit to form before you're a senior. (Which is when I feel like I've finally grasped a basic foundation of the concept of organization.)

3. Don't be afraid to socialize a bit more. It's ok to venture down the hall or another dorm and say "hello" to friends. Go on GDH lunch dates with your sorority sisters or the people in your class you hit it off with. Eventually you'll find your way around to being close to those people, but if you overcome your shyness, you'll befriend them sooner.

4. GO STUDY. I know it seems so freeing to not be in class eight hours a day or parents to tell you to go to bed at a particular time. However, you don't understand the extra amount of work these classes will require and that's why you have extra "free time". You'll also be thankful your sophomore year when you're not having to pull up your GPA.

5. Go to Broad Street UMC the first Sunday. I know you're fearing that no church will match your experience at your home church. However, you don't understand the DEEP impact these people will have on you, and how much they will be a part of your college experience. You'll basically be living at the church, so don't worry. Don't wait those first few weeks. Go. You have no idea. GO.

6. It's ok to make mistakes. You don't have to fear every little "bump" in the road because you'll learn. That's what they are for. Be kinder to yourself. It'll be ok.

7. You'll survive those feelings of loneliness that'll fill your first days. It doesn't feel like it right now, but don't worry - you'll find your people and your place. Before you know it PC will feel like home and you'll cry every time you have to leave. I know you're hurting a lot right now, and crying a lot. But that won't last forever.

8. Go take that Introduction to Christian Education class. That nudge is there for a reason you don't yet understand. However, one day you will. One day you'll answer that ministry call you're feeling.

9. Start exercising more, and eating the buffet line less. The balance will make you feel better emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

10. ENJOY those moments. Before you know it you'll find yourself almost at the finishing line and missing those beginning days. It's a great time where your only worry is classes and spending time with your new found friends. One day you'll be figuring out what you want your first job to be and applying to seminaries as your plan for a future. It's a stressful time, and you'll miss the more carefree beginning days.

11. Don't try to have it all figured out. I know you like plans and setting up those goals. However, don't limit yourself so much on this straight path towards that "dream" without leaving some room to learn. It's ok to take those electives that seem different, and your Gen. Eds are  there to teach you about all the options. You'll wish later you had left a bit more room for exploration.

Before long you'll be wearing that cap and gown, and you'll wonder how was it that time passed so quickly from that first semester. You'll be missing it. But the future is very bright.


Sincerely,
Senior Rebecca

power of intentional community

My intention for traveling to Augusta this past Sunday afternoon was to meet a female senior pastor to discuss women leadership in the church. All for my senior thesis where I'm hoping to combine my call to ministry and my Women and Gender's Studies minor. Rev. Carolyn Moore who planted and has pastored for over 12 years the same church, Mosaic United Methodist Church, greeted me at the door of Mosaic with a warm embrace. Then I was introduced to a church with the most intentional mission vision I've ever encountered. I spent the next two hours getting a front row seat of how this church is truly "Rethinking Church".

God is pretty awesome sometimes. One of my passions incorporated into my call is mission. However, one of the first words out of Rev. Carolyn's mouth was describing that the missions of their church were "relational" - meeting the basic needs of people such as hunger or a longing for a community, then building upon that to meet their needs spiritually as the church guides them in rebuilding their lives.

As she led me on into their sanctuary I met two young adults that were waiting for the youth to arrive for that Sunday night's youth program. At 2:00 on the Sunday afternoon, the church was a buzz with members, leaders, and staff running small groups. Then, Rev. Carolyn brought me up to a banner that hung on the wall. A red pin sat in the middle of it with the words "You Are Here" surrounded by a variety of handwritten notes. I couldn't tell at first what each said, but as I got close Rev. Carolyn began to read them aloud, carefully pointing to each one. They were testimonies - former alcoholics, drug addicts, and more who had come to find Christ and community within the doors of this church.

Talk about being the living Church of Christ. I carefully read each one and saw the ways lives had been transformed. Rev. Carolyn continued to share peoples' stories of transformation as we entered the place where they did their food pantry. As she described their local mission work further, she said something I still find so profound.

"For many of these people we are their family. We are the ones who must help take care of them and support them."

I'm not going to lie and tell you that I almost wept right there standing in the middle of the room. If I've ever had a more profound moment of witnessing within a church all that I hope to one day see in the churches I serve as an Elder - THIS was it. A faith community that took care of its members and those beyond the walls. If I had to put what are my passions regarding my call into physical form, I was standing in the middle of it.

 

Small groups - honing in on technology to create a satellite version of your church to people with disabilities downtown - relational mission programs - being the hands and feet of Christ.

Then Rev. Carolyn and I went into her office and discussed one passion that might be dearest to my heart - women leadership within the church. We discussed the unique gifts that women bring to ordained ministry. What ways we can support each other - and SO much more. My heart was soaring, my soul was uplifted, and I still wanted to weep. I held them back though because I wasn't sure how Rev. Carolyn would react if the young woman in front of her just burst into uncontrollable tears. Tears of joy of course.

I was inspired as I left Mosaic that day. Not only regarding my paper, but regarding my own ministry call. This is what church looks like - taking care of each other by meeting both basic needs of people, building those relationships, and adding to them spiritually. It is about being intentional in your mission work. It is about being a community of faith - a family of faith.

This Church Mouse still wants to weep.

one year later...#meetmeatMVP

I've known this was an upcoming date on my TimeHope and Facebook history...the "one year ago" throwback from my last Sunday at Mount Vernon Place United Methodist Church in Washington, D.C. I greet this date with a lot of bittersweet sentiment. In my mind it is hard to believe that a whole year has passed since I walked into the door of MVP. Time is such a funny thing because while it feels just like yesterday, I also feel like it's been a lifetime since I was there.

My five months I was a part of the MVP congregation are such a treasured time in my memory bank and within my heart. Truthfully, that time became a sabbatical of sorts for me that God used to pull me into the full realization of my ministry call. There is also lessons from that time that I know I'll continuously use within my ministry career, regardless of where I am called, so I will constantly be returning within my mind to that time.

Yet I find myself reflecting on this day how not all that much has changed since that day one year ago, and yet so very much has. It has come to be that I am only continuously embracing who I truly am and am called (always have been) to be. Here I am one year later....

Working to complete the first stage of candidacy for ministry within the UMC. I've been on many retreats, have been assigned my mentorship group that's walking through this with me, spent time in prayer - journaling - and so much more in discernment, filled out paperwork, and found myself digging spiritually deeper within myself that I ever through possible.

And it's such a beautiful thing.

Yet one year ago I was also finding myself digging spiritually deeper within myself than I thought was possible, but the spirit had just finally pushed me to do just that - dig deep. I began a process at MVP of theological reflection, study, and witness that turned on a lifelong commitment to ministry that will never subside.

Currently I have found myself embracing the full identity of what aspect of ministry I am truly called to. A path that has taken me in one direction, around a loop and landed in a spot of peacefully acceptance that God is opening my heart/spirit to seek to become an Elder in the UMC.

This has been one of the biggest "a-ha" moments since my time of retreats in November. However, what has taken place is allowing myself the space to slow down and discern with listening ears rather than a talking mouth. A truth of seeking to become an Elder is an aspect of this that has always been presence, I just lacked the ear to listen. I rushed out of a time of sabbatical at MVP and jumped right back into my habit of control, and wanting to define my own story. I'm learning to slow down more and truthfully discern, and now God is working to reveal this plan rather than me trying to reveal it. It's a wonder I did not recognize the lesson of slowing down prior when God placed yet another remarkable clergywoman running a powerful church in my life during the spiritual sabbatical that was my months in DC. If I had listened well, I would have seen how God was using Donna's example, just as God had been using Kitty's example for two years prior, to see positive examples of the Elder I was also being called to one day become.

Currently I am working to figure out what's next.

A fact I won't reveal more on until the time is right other than to say that God is continuing to push me to reflect on those same lessons as I'm discerning what will take place after I graduate from Presbyterian College in May.

In this past year I've done a lot of morphing from one direction of my dreams for my future into God's dreams for my future. I am always saying that this direction of ministry is one that has always been present, it was just my stubborn self that was not fully listening. However, I also continue to say that I'm grateful for my reluctance to fully listen because that took me to DC. In DC God took me to MVP and allowed me to spend time with a congregation that would change my life. An encounter that would help me to fully recognize this ministry call in many real, and powerful ways that I will use always. As I reflect on this "one year later" mark, I am forever thankful that life took me to DC to be a part of something amazing, and meet wonderful people in my community of faith. I would never go back and change the course of events that led me to DC because my time there and most especially my time at MVP I wouldn't trade for the world.

I miss you all at MVP, dearly. Keep doing God's work as the hand and feet of Christ in D.C. You all are always in my thoughts and prayers.

I didn't have a "big" moment this weekend and that's okay.

My expectations for the weekend were these “big” moments of confirming, affirming, and maybe even a bit more clarity of my call. The truth is I walked away with none of that this weekend. There was no “big” powerful moment where I felt God lay upon my heart.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that that is okay because that’s not how my call is anyways.

Honestly, I shouldn’t have come into the weekend with those type of expectations because there has never been any lightning bolt moment the entire course of my call. All along my way I’ve experienced these small moments of peace whenever I’ve accepted truths of this call or had revealed another step/piece of this puzzle.

This weekend was no different and honestly I’m coming to understand that perhaps this is the greatest lesson I can take away from a weekend of discernment with so many other current or future leaders of The United Methodist Church. My moments of joy or peace or even slight frustration came to one conclusion: this church mouse likes the quiet moments better than any loud ones. And I experienced all these types of moments of quiet peace or "aha" times.

My prayers were for God to give me specific answers this weekend about my future and the intricate details of my call. The answer I received was a quiet understanding that I did not need bold moments because I already have more answers than I realized. Also, I know that it is not my job to know all the details yet. They will be known to me when the time is right, at different moments. Therefore, what I received was affirmation. Affirmation that I do feel called to seek to join the Order of Deacons within the UMC as an ordained clergywoman. While I also know that since I feel called into specialized ministry, it is women’s ministry that will be a long term focus on my future career and ministry. This concept of women’s studies through the lens of the female experience of life has long become a passion of mine. It has a been a blessing that I’ve had the chance to study it in depth in my undergraduate, and in a variety of ways as a Women and Gender’s studies minor. It wasn’t until I began taking my “Womanist, Feminist Theology and Pedagogy” class this Fall semester of senior year that God’s placed it on my heart to further my study of women, the church, and ministry into seminary as I most likely seek a Master's of Divinity somewhere yet to be determined. Continuing in this ordination process is also a confirmation from this weekend. Which is why I’m grateful or a support system that is helping my push through this process now.

There were dynamic speakers this weekend. Rev. Bridgette Young-Ross opened with the words of are we following our call according to how others are defining it for us, or for how God is defining it for us. It was these words that stopped my spirit because truthfully I’ve had a hard time swallowing that concept in the past year since fully recognizing this call.  Full individual ownership and defining details myself of this call. All those intimate details I won’t share with all here, but I will say that I realized this weekend that there is a lot of self-claiming I need to make better on with this call. I’ve also got to be ready to take steps forward in a bold faith, even if they scare me as I step into an unknown future I had no idea would be occurring when I got ready to graduate Presbyterian College.

Honestly, I expected to blog all the details of this weekend every night but too much has internally occurred spiritually. Therefore, I leave you with the simple statement that God moved in big ways this weekend while I had both past realizations affirmed and new dreams unfolded. May God be with me as I make decisions in the following months.

Thank you God for choosing me for this odd and wondrous calling.  

my church family and their role in this call

“How very Trinitarian.”

Those are the words from my pastor who is sitting across from me at the Staff Parish Relations Committee (SPRC) as we are all chatting before the meeting actually begins. Her words stick with me because they are true. She’s commenting on the fact that on the night that I meet before my church’s SPRC for the first time to share my call story and continue in this ordination process, it also is the third anniversary of the day I became a member of the church.

This church community.

As I’m writing this, I’m on my way down to Florida for the national EXPLORATION conference put on by the Board of Higher Education in Orlando. This will be a weekend long retreat of discernment with other future clergy or church leaders of the UMC. I’m also working through the Guidelines for Candidacy workbook because next weekend I have my retreat for candidacy with my district conference. The first weeks of November I’m realizing are full of nothing but ministry, discernment, and reflection on my own personal call.

One of the questions in this workbook I must reflect on is who my support system is in this ministry call. I cannot help but continue to keep return to the answer of Broad Street United Methodist Church and its people, pastor, and my peers in our Campus Ministry group “Rethink Fellowship” as such an important part of my overall support system. Not only do I have the blessing to be a part of this congregation as a college student, but they are also my church family that is walking me through the ordination process. I’ve always said I feel like I play a dual role with BSUMC because not only am I one of their “college student babies” but I am also a member of their congregation.

Truly I did not know the significance of what it would mean for my personal future to switch my membership from the home church I had grown up in to the church I had only been a part of for a month or so my freshmen year of college. Kitty said once in conversation with the two of us and other members that “Rebecca has been a member of Broad Street since day one”. Which I not only regard as a high compliment from their side but know is very accurate from my side, as well. I can still recall clearly my first Sunday at Broad Street.

And I’ve never looked back.

For going on four years now I have been actively a part of this congregation and they have been a special place of my life/heart/and unbeknownst to me a special formation for this ministry call. If I am completely honest, my ministry call began to speak louder in my heart long before I departed for D.C. (although I’ll always credit that time and the people of Mount Vernon Place UMC as the pivotal push to allow me to accept it).

Broad Street, its ministries, and people have long been the most important part of my Presbyterian College experience. They have blessed my weeks with worship and fellowship, but also allowed me to help build our Campus Ministry program. Thus building a bridge between what has been happening at the church in our small group Bible study to a recognized religious group on PC’s campus. I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished between my freshmen year to senior year and it makes it all that harder to think about graduation. However, it’s a support system I know won’t end just because I may be more miles away.

These people have sustained me during my college years. A wonderful sanctuary of people who allow me to step away from the stresses of a day to day life at a rigorous institution like PC, and remember the feel goods of home like a warm hug or delicious home-cooked meal.

So to my church family support system, “thank you!” You all helped inspire this call through the opportunities you’ve provided me. You helped me solidify this call with your unwavering push and support since I returned to tell you guys the news. Now you are the ones I’m answering to as I pursue ordination, and I could not consider myself any more blessed.

To the leading lady at Broad Street that holds the title pastor, ministry, or if you’re me “Preacher Lady”: thank you for being the shepherd of a flock that generates a welcoming environment for PC kids like myself and others to “come home to” each Fall semester. You have inspired me by your example since the first time I was so surprised to turn around and see a woman proceeding down the aisle of the church. While we pick at each other mercilessly sometimes I hope you know that it is our serious one-on-one conversations that I cherish the most. You push me forward in this ordination process, even when I’ve been nervous or hesitant and I’m grateful to have someone that knows me well enough to know I sometimes need that extra push. With my serious concerns or questions I turn to you because I know you’ll be honest with me. I need that as well. I also just need someone that’s presence reminds me I am loved and supported in this process. A fact you graciously remind me of constantly. I wouldn’t want anyone else playing the role of “Preacher Lady” (aka mentor, pastor, inspiration) in my life.

 My people are also my support system, my church family, and the people that make impending graduation in May so bittersweet. While I know it will be time, I dread when the time comes for me to department. You all have my heart now and probably for always.

Your Church Mouse. (name credits to Kitty Holtzclaw, obvs.)

Zechariah attitude

To say I am currently in a state of reflection, in an understatement. I do nothing but think, reflect; act, reflect; dream, reflect; sneeze; reflect. No I am kidding; however, I do constantly find myself reverting back to my past, comparing that to my present moment, and lining that up with what my future my hold.

This comes in a two-fold layer. One is the fact that I am a senior in college. I have no choice but to begin thinking about my life in the bigger picture scheme. Suddenly I am required to set my mind to things beyond Presbyterian College. What do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to live? Who do you want to be when you grow up? All the cliche poo-poo that comes with that last year of college. I am grateful for this season of my life though. It is a little fun to look at myself now, and think about where I have come in the past four years. Who I am today is WAY different than the person I was when I first entered college, and I could not be more glad for that fact. This season, a particular class I am taking, and others are requiring me to ponder in such manners, but there is also the second layer to this. A layer of ministry call that throws me full throttle into reflection, discernment, and now decision making.

God kind of worked on my heart the other day about my attitude towards this other layer though. While myself is pretty okie doke with the senior year of college part, I have a ways to go with this ministry call layer. My present fears I tie into the newness of all of this. I am still the "want to be prepared...I like goals..." self who likes that control. There is still that part of me that is petrified with the fact that this call I cannot control, I can only obey.

OBEY.

This word was placed on my heart and mind after lunch with a dear pastor/mentor the other week. As I spilled all my fears, worries, etc. to her, she stopped me. She in short said something along the way of: "Some days we simply obey." This took my train of thought and in relation my heart, down a different path. I saw a little less goal-oriented path and a bit more of simply a journey.

Well God did what God does and suddenly a pattern began to emerge. Journey. Obey. Trust. A conversation with a professor opened my mind to the fact that we are all on a journey, we never arrive, just simply travel down it. Which I think is a pretty accurate summary of ministry work, at least what I've been exposed to so far. I also was gifted with a book for my 22 birthday by the same mentor whom I had lunch with that used the word obey, entitled We Make the Road by Walking. I am only a chapter or so in, but it's already adding to this theme.

Then there was the big wammy the other day in my "Life of Jesus" class when we were studying the birth narrative. We as a class are discussing the dude named Zechariah. He is a priest in the Jewish faith, who literally is exposed day in and day out to the awesomeness of God, and what God can do. How God is capable of anything. Yet when he gets a hand delivered message from the big-wig angel of the Lord, he automatically doubts. For it he is silenced. Let me tell you, I was quick to pass judgement on this guy. You literally work the Lord, come on dude!

But my heart stopped me. Did I not recently see a reflection of this Zechariah attitude in myself? God was majorly opening doors for my ministry call. Not only in my relationships, but big things like expenses being covered for exciting conferences I get to travel to this November, leadership opportunities to live out this call now, and an AWESOME support network with mentors. However, I had not been recently experiencing much joy in this. I was dealing with worry, doubt, fears, and was this not exactly Zechariah's initial reaction? In may ways I am being called into my own priesthood within the Christian faith, and God has allowed me to witness the workings of the One in my life up until this point, now, and doors opening for the future. I would know, like I said I've been in a recent state of reflection.

Now my focus is changing my attitude a bit. I am working to have more the Mary or Elizabeth attitude to big news: trust and joy. It's not easy and I am having to work at it. Yet when I shift to a focus of being on a journey rather than attempting to arrive at one set destination, the lens of perspective change. The here and now matter as much as  the future. It's one long, never-ending journey. If that's ministry, I think my current present and future are looking very bright.

It's time to shy away from my Zechariah attitude. Perhaps I need to just be quiet for awhile as well, who knows what else I may hear when I'm talking less.

the need for community

We need authentic communities. No matter whether someone is an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert (a new vocabulary word I learned in my Feminist/Womanist Theologies/Pedagogues class today!) we need to be a part of something that is bigger than ourselves. A group that reminds us that we are not fighting this battle of life alone. 

For each individual, this looks a little different. Someone may be a part of a club they particularly enjoying being a part of or. Or an athlete may have a strong community in his/her sports team. However, what does this look like from a Christian perspective? My answer to that is in the example of my own faith community, Broad Street UMC. 

As I broke bread with my pastor today, I was reminded again of why we all need an authentic community to be a part of. I argue we all need this type of authentic faith community. During a conversation with her one time, she emphasized how our church was "home" for the PC students who decided to attend the church. 

How beautiful is that? A congregation that is willing to embrace the students as their own for the time they attend college. Beyond this, is the very concept of an embracing faith community. I have witnessed in the past going on four years now, that this faith community does this with all their members, no matter age or where they are from. 

We need to learn a lesson from this. We need to encourage our own churches, college small groups, and any other gathering of faithful brothers and sisters of Christ copy the concept of generating this attitude of unconditional love. 

Everyone needs to be reminded that its okay to not be okay, that they have a safe space to open up. Why not let this place be the church? Where else would we want to have the hurt of this world fixed? How does this look for you, your church (group), in what actions you can take? 

I stress the need for generating authentic FAITH communities. 

Those are my musings for this Wednesday from church mouse.