finding the niche of my call in seminary

During my riding lesson today, I rode on a Western saddle for the first time. The Western saddle is sturdier while the rider is also able to be hold the reins with one hand (rather than two in English style). A few moments in, and I took a deep sigh of relief. My shoulders relaxed as I directed Reggie into a trot. Smiling big.

I began horseback riding about three months ago. The second phase of my search to find hobbies or my niche of hobbies in the new chapter of my life. Rock-climbing came first. Truly, I find rock-climbing becoming a passion and a sort of sport. My concentration, dedication, and focus comes from a sports manner rather than that which is to relax me. Not that it doesn't, but I find a drive to constantly rise in levels of rock-climbing. My goal is to become lead certified by summer. It's a passion rather than just simply that which helps me relax.

Yet, horseback riding has become that blissful sect of my search for hobbies outside of my theological studies or work within the church. When I'm around the horses, I am instantly calmed. Joy fills my heart when I drive up that winding dirt road towards the barn. Horses neighing fills the air. It's a sanctuary for me.

Why am I giving these details? Well, the answer is because of the breakthrough I found today in riding on the Western saddle, and Western style. My instructor Leslie called out when I began riding Western, asking how I liked it. I returned that I felt like I had found my niche.

The same I found when registering for summer classes, and picking fall classes for my second year of seminary. Yup. Only four weeks left in my first year of seminary. Which blows my mind. Yet, I am grateful to almost be done. End of semester exhaustion is quickly catching up with this seminarian, and I look forward to a summer break. (Well a break of less classes at least). However, it was when I was plotting the course of second year that I experienced another breakthrough.

Truthfully, I feel at times I appear misleading on my social media accounts with my experience in seminary this first year. Whenever I'll run into friends or people back home, they always state how it looks like I'm really enjoying seminary. Guilt twinges me sometimes when people say this. Not to say that seminary hasn't been enjoyable - but not always.

It's been a rough ride this first year. Mostly, that first semester what a challenge. On more than one occasion I considered leaving, only to stay because of the amazing support system of my new seminary friends I had here, plus a sister of Christ in my internship at Arrendale State Prison. A fleeting moment, of course, but none the less I was questioning why I was here. A bit of anger was underneath my smile as I struggled to find my niche here in seminary. I knew it was a degree I had to obtain to continue my work in ministry; to answer my call as an Elder in the UMC. Yet, I was jaded to the experience of seminary which grows me as person, Christian, and child of God. Truly, it would take until January of this year that I woke up to have greater appreciation of this journey of seminary. Not hoops to jump through or hurdles to fly over as I had envisioned first semester; but a journey of self-discovery. Self-discovery that entrenched in that portion of my self that's called to this life of ministry.

What I had to find was my niche. A reason of why I was called to seminary, that which sets me apart from participating in ministry in a non-ordained manner. Someone in my life expressed back months ago that my disgruntled attitude in seminary might be rooted in the fact that I wasn't letting God in to direct my path of answering how I am called to ordained ministry. Seminary is about defining that path. It wasn't until recently I truly understood what she meant, and began working on defining that which is my niche of ministry.

On some level, I had that breakthrough in deciding my classes for summer and fall, along with my new work at St. John's UMC where I am able to use my talents and gifts to serve the congregation. The classes I am choosing, which revolve around congregational revitalization, church leadership, etc. Here is where I'm discovering my niche. Which is still unfolding of course, but the short of the long is that I found such excitement I had yet to experience when picking my classes. More occurred which added to that breakthrough. Details too great for this blog post. Therefore, I'll close with this thought.

God's path for us is always best. If we have walls up, God cannot begin working on our heart which God uses to grow the kingdom. My walls were up very securely when I entered seminary, and I crossed my arms at God that I wasn't going to let me them down. But, I only made myself unhappy that way. Therefore, I slowly let them down, one brick at a time. As each brick has come down, I have become more and more content. Again not happy (which is temporary feelings), but content in knowing through the good and the bad days, I'm on God's path for my life. That's a breakthrough. I'm more content than I've been ever in my life. I still struggle with those days I question it all. But, I don't doubt any longer why I am here. I know why I am here, and I'm letting God direct that path. 

Perhaps the key is riding the Western saddle of my call always. That Western saddle that's God's plan verses my own. Which makes riding this call (and life in general) better.